Yesterday we celebrated the holiday built around parents actively encouraging young children to seek out strangers and accept candy from them. For my part, I celebrated by dressing my dog up in a superhero costume and hanging out with her at my own Halloween party. I dressed as a lumberjack, but told everyone who was too drunk to get it that I’d dressed up as a lesbian.
I wanted to dress as sexy Judith Butler, but costume parties are more fun when I don’t go as myself.
Which reminds me! I’m going to see Judy B speak in NYC in April at a conference on homonationalism. I hear she talks like she writes so I expect it to be about 1,000 miles over my head. Her thinking is leagues out of my league.
It may be too early to call but I think grad school is making me angrier. Or, if not angrier, more radical. The dual Master’s I’m working toward is a Jekyll/Hyde environment. Communications management is training me to work better in a corporate world, it’s teaching me to play the game. Gender and Cultural Studies is goading me to flip the game board and yell “fuck this shit.”
Stop here if you don’t want to read a partially incoherent rant on marriage equality. Spoiler alert: I think there are better goals.
For years I’ve supported marriage equality uncritically. But, you gays, once you start questioning it, you can’t stop. I can’t stop. The argument flounders. I know I’m late to the party on this one, even by queer time, but I think marriage is the wrong goal.
I think marriage equality is a misnomer. I think efforts that seek access to a fucked up institution (and really, what institution isn’t?) just strengthen that legacy of privilege. If it’s the benefits of marriage (legal, monetary, etc.) that are the goal maybe we should put some money and effort toward divorcing those benefits from the institution itself. Maybe we could make an actual effort to recognize more kinds of “families” not just ones that are working to fit into the heteronormative mold.
I think we’re forgetting to look at who this new “equality” would still exclude. Who really benefits? I think one of the things I like most about me is that I’m not exactly like everyone else. I don’t have the same goals. And if I have to fit some idea of what I should be to “deserve” rights, I’m not sure I have any interest in doing that.
I know it’s obnoxious to get into such things on the internet, so I apologize.
This is all just to say that some days I wake up and I’m not sure I know where I stand anymore.
Grad school is a mind fuck.